How Not To Get The Girl

Gentlemen, there are a lot of tips out there on how to get the girl, but what you really should be looking for is how not to get a girl. Articles that tell a guy what to do, rather than what not to do, limits them and makes them just like the other guy who read the same advice. A lot of those lists I read are also tough because every woman is different. We tend to like different things, but 9 times out of 10 we will agree on the few things we hate. Here are my personal list of not to-dos that I know a lot of my lady friends will agree on.

Do not be a better version of yourself on your first date.
It’s all well and good to go out of your way to be a gentlemen on the first date if that is who you are a year and a half later. I met a lot of guys who were total gentlemen on the first date, opening the doors, walking on the outside of the sidewalk and saying all of the things a girl would hope to hear from a potential suitor. What really sucks is wasting my time on the first couple of dates thinking you are one guy, come to find out you’re really a total jackass. The one thing I loved about my boyfriend is he wasn’t on his best behavior when we first met. He was his real, rough around the edges self. The same man he was a year and a half ago is the same man he is today. A gentleman, but a brat. Guys, a girl should love you for who you are anyway so don’t waste either of your time by being on your best behavior.

Do not under-estimate a girl’s knowledge base.
Two of my favorite stories to tell are these. I was chatting with a guy one day and we got on the topic of cars, specifically classic cars. My uncle builds and restores classic cars as a hobby, so I grew up going to his car show BBQs and listening to the guys in the family talk shop about their classic cars. I grew up immersed in American Muscle. My uncle’s sweet spot is the Mustang so of course that’s what I know the most about. I didn’t really say much at that point when the guy decided he was going to brag about his ’61 Mustang. For those of you who don’t know, the first year of the Mustang was ’64. If you really wanted to show off the first year of the Mustang was actually ’64 and a half. Being the sarcastic brat I am I was like “OMG, I would LOVE to see it!” I honestly didn’t have to the heart to tell him he was an idiot, but that was the last time I ever talked to him. My other favorite story, I was working at Victoria’s Secret when two guys came up to the cash wrap to check out. Apparently they were there getting stuff for one of their sisters’ birthdays. One of the guys drops his keys on the counter and decides he’s going to flirt with me. He asked if he could come back and pick me up after work. He said he would take me out now but he was driving his Corvette and being that its only a two seater he had to drop his buddy off first. Stupid him dropped the keys on the counter and at one quick glance I saw a key chain, what looked like two house keys or room keys and one car key. That car key was a Nissan key. Unless NISSAN keys start-up his CHEVY Corvette someone is lying. Unlike the last guy with the ’61 Mustang I decided to call this guy’s bluff. I told him I had never seen a car like that before. He gave me the response I was banking on, “like what?” I told “like the kind of Chevy that starts up with a Nissan key.” His friend starting laughing his ass off and the kid left in a real hurry. So guys, moral of the story here is don’t underestimate a girl’s knowledge. Not all of us are car stupid. If you are going to lie to try to impress us, make sure we don’t know more than you.

Do not grill her like you’re interrogating a terrorist.
I am all about getting to know a person to determine if you’re compatible. I don’t want to spend six months with a person and then find out they are a transgender crack addict with daddy issues and a prison record or something outrageous because we never asked personal questions. There is a line however. I’ve met guys who wanted to know everything that happened over the course of my 24 years on this Earth, when I get my period, my mother’s maiden name, my bank account numbers, how many times I go to the bathroom a day and if I’ve found Jesus all in the first 20 minutes of meeting them. I’m pretty sure Homeland Security isn’t as bad as some of my dates have been. I love when people ask questions about me and show an interest, just please do not go overboard.

Do not drink too much.
Nothing good ever comes from consuming alcohol. It’s a slippery slope of regret. A glass of wine, a mixed drink or a beer or two isn’t going to hurt but more than that might be bad news. Alcohol tends to calm the nerves on a date but too many guys don’t know when to stop. They end up drinking more than the would on any other night and things just take a turn. I met this one guy at a small restaurant turned night club on Friday and Saturday nights. I went with a girlfriend and we met this guy who was really into me. He was a really nice guy and I definitely wanted to see him again. We went back the next weekend and, long story short, he ended up getting into a bar fight all because of drunken stupidity. He also managed to get me in trouble with the guys girlfriend and I had to take care of my own business. I left and never talked to him again. That was that. Too much booze turns into bar fights which turns into losing the girl. I’ve also had guys just get drunk and ramble on for hours and then try to get me in bed. Yea, no. Not cool, not attractive, not how you get the girl.

Do not get too handsy.
Unless you are both going in knowing this date is purely sexual and the end goal of the night for both parties is to get in bed with one another, don’t be overly handsy. Violating your date from the start will not get you anything long-term. I am a very touchy-feely kind of person. I connect with people I am comfortable with by engaging in physical contact. This is both true for romantic connections and platonic ones. I have no problem giving hugs, touching someones arm, putting my arm around someone in an innocent way. Josh is the same way as me and when I met him he was very cognizant of what I was like and how much was acceptable. Where everything starts to go south is when you start putting your hands where they don’t belong or you start touching too much. Until you are in a stable and comfortable place in a relationship do not get too handsy, that won’t get you more. As a girl with a large backside, take it from me – moves like that are more likely to get you punched or slapped way before it gets you a second date. But, if your end game is a fling then by all means do you honey.

As a woman I’m allowed to admit to that fact that females are crazy, but love us and treat us the right way and we are worth it, I promise. If kicked plenty of guys to the curb because of the stupid things they do. Don’t insult a girl’s intelligence or underestimate her, do not pretend to be someone you are not, do not interrogate her like she’s on trial, do not drink too much and do not get overly handsy. If you can handle that you should be fine. No promises on the girl being the one, but I hope these tips will help to make sure you don’t screw it up if she is.



2 thoughts on “How Not To Get The Girl

  1. I agree! Sage advice. Particularly about underestimating what your date knows. i write a dating and relationship blog at if you fancied a read.


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