I’ve decided BJs is the new Walmart

Everyone is pretty familiar with the Walmart stereotypes out there – gross people, weird people, rude people, etc. Well after my trip to BJs tonight I am convinced that all of those “People of Walmart” are looking to become the “People of BJs” too.

Swedish Fish CandyNow, I am always excited by the idea of being able to shop in bulk. Who does’t love a giant bag of Swedish Fish?┬áProbably the best part of buying in bulk is that it reduces the number of trips I have to take to the grocery store and deal with the types of people I had to deal with tonight. Let me give you a run down of my trip.

Pulling into the parking lot I immediately knew this was going to be a nightmare. I lost my membership card so I knew I was going to have to go to the customer service desk to get a new one. Every time I have to go in and talk to someone at the service desk it takes FOREVER. They must train them on two speeds, slow and reverse. They are usually too busy eating or chatting with one another to help anyone. So as the full parking lot suggested, the place was a mad house. There were three people in front of me. The one to note was the woman immediately in front of me. She was there with what I would assume were her two daughters. One maybe 12 years old and the other I’d guess to be 2. While the mother had her back turned the 12 year old would lick the baby. Repeatedly. Right up the front of her face. I grew up with a brother 6 years younger than me and when my parents turned their backs we would annoy the crap out of each other but we never licked each others faces. Eventually I made it through the line, got my new card and moved on.

Ok. Detergent, check. Next, water. My mom asked me to pick up a couple cases of water while I was there so I started to head in that direction. My next issue was the lady with, from what I was able to count, 8 kids. Not sure if they were all hers, but if they were god bless her hips. I have no problem with parents who choose to have a lot of children. That’s totally cool. But please control them in public. Or at least try. I am not a mom yet but based on how I was raised if me or my brother even thought about stepping out of line, especially in public, we would have gotten hell. First the evil eye, then we would have to hold mom’s hand. No one wanted to hold mom’s hand. These kids opened a bag of cheese doodles and were having a food fight in the aisle. Now i’m stepping and rolling over cheese doodles trying to pass them and getting more and more irritated by the second. Mom didn’t give a single care. No “stop it” or “don’t do that” or even trying to stop them from acting like total animals trashing the store and disrupting other customers. Have you ever rolled over something with your cart and somehow it manages to get stuck and follow you around the store completely stopping your cart randomly or pulling you in another direction? Yea? Well I now had cheese doodles in my wheels that drove me insane for the rest of my shopping trip.

I got my water and got the hell away from those kids. Water, check. I headed over to the refrigerated section to get my cheese. Lucky me, I ran into some more well behaved children. There was a lot of moisture on the inside of the cases so to bored kids its a prime canvas for writing their names and stupid stuff on the insides of the windows. All I wanted was my cheese, but no. I had to wait for all of these little brats to finish writing their names to get what I needed. Mom and dad were too busy somewhere else in the store not supervising their kids to care. The little girl finished writing on the door, closed it and as I went to open it to get my cheese she yelled “wait!” and jumped in front of me because she forgot to dot her “i” with the little heart. Cheese, check.

As I was walking in I saw a guy with a giant bag of Swedish Fish and of course it was then I decided I needed one too. I headed over to the candy aisle to get my fish as my last stop before running out that door. I managed to get behind two women walking side by side down the aisle as slow as humanly possible. There was no way to get around them so I had to wait. And wait. 8 aisles down. I finally got to my aisle and sprinted to my Swedish fish. Finally, I could just get out. Nope. I forgot the butter. The actual reason I went to BJs.

Ugh. Now I had to go all the way back to the refrigerated section and battle the rotten doodle bugs to get my butter. Right next to the cheese. Thank god when I got back there they had moved on to destroy the meat cases. I did a drive by on the butter and was gone. As I was headed to the checkout the two slow poke women who I got stuck behind before cut out in front of me and it was a slow creep to the registers.

At this point I just wanted out of this nightmare. But no, BJs had a couple more digs. I decided to self checkout since the cashier lines were pretty busy. I had 8 items. That was it. Of course at least 2 of my items caused issues. Each time the attendant had to come over and reset the machine with her card to stop the light from flashing and asking for help. I finally paid, packed my cart and headed for the door. Of all nights I had the lady that needed to do her job extra well and count the items in everyone’s cart. A cart like mine with 8 items isn’t the issue. Its the people who have two carts filled to the brim and 100 items. I waited and waited and waited. Finally got the pass and booked it out of the store. As one final salute, BJs welcomed a crazy screaming lady who was getting out of her car at the curb in pedicure sandals, rollers in her hair, screaming at her husband because he forgot to get the bacon. Keep it classy lady. (For those who don’t know what pedicure sandals are they are a piece of thin fun foam pieces that look like a flip flop – they are used when you get a pedicure and can’t put your does back in closed shoes).

I head to my car throw everything in the back seat, put my cart in the cart collector and get the hell out of dodge. Now I am here blogging, binge eating Swedish Fish, drinking tea and watching Impractical Jokers. A quick hot shower should bring down my blood pressure just enough that I can settle down in bed and relax. Josh took the overnight so Mara will be happy to steal his spot and lay all over his pillows while he is gone. Goodnight!